but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
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