i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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