So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
