why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
she smelled like a LAN party
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
