I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
