Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
send nudes
from the living room?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize