My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
