THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
