I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
