I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
What a dumb baby whore.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
