I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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