I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
