If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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