Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
