The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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