This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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