I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
