things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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