i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
