Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
