What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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