Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
