that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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