Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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