Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
