She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
