When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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