dude i'm inner monologue high
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
