I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
