Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
