I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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