Cold hands, warm shart.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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