fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
