It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
