How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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