and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
