dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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