I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
