I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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