Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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