worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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