He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
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Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
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Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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