hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
