so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
