literally had 100 drinks last night.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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