My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
