9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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