last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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