so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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