Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
