My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
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