So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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