He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
