Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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