Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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