I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
