my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
