Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So gin and wine won't be happening again
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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