Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
