elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
