I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
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It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
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Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I need mimosas to revive my soul
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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