I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
