Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
