If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize